...sigh...

I'm so excited!!! I know I shouldn't get ahead of myself, but it's too tempting! Lincoln is on his third day with no ventilators. He is breathing well on his own with a little assistance from the high flow nasal canulla!
You can actually see his face :) Now all we need to aim for is a little meat on his bones. This should be possible since how they're increasing his feedings everyday...knock on wood....and unless anything goes wrong he should be up to full feedings by the 29th.

I could just eat him up!!

Kanga and Roo

Well, he got just plain exhausted!! He tried the CPAP for almost a good 24 hours, but didn't last any longer. They felt his carbon dioxide off-put and oxygen in-take levels weren't where they needed to be. At this time they felt it in the best interest to put Lincoln back on the VIP ventilator. I'm okay with that. I feel like they need to do whatever is BEST for Lincoln. Their strategy is to make sure he makes progress, but to be safe while doing it. Their plan of action is to try it again in a few days.
NOW on to better news:

I FINALLY got to hold my baby boy!!! This is what they call the Kangaroo hold. It is so very important for these little fragile preemies to feel the skin to skin contact with their Mommy. Touch...and a positive touch.... helps him to remember me. Holding him helps him to hear my heartbeat as he once did while in my womb. They say, especially once you start feeding them their mommy's milk, they will recognize their mommy's smell. I've chosen one place I touch him every time I go in and that gives him another chance to recognize me, I hold his hand. My voice is something that is familiar to him and I make sure he hears it when I go in twice a day. When I was pregnant with him, I often sang the same song while in the shower. I make sure to sing or hum that song to him while I visit.

LOOK AT ALL HIS HAIR!!

Magical

With all the crazy events that have taken place over these last two weeks, I haven't got around to posting the wonderful 8th birthday party that Scottie had on the 7th of November.

Scottie's Uncle Shawn has always had a love for magic. We came up with a great idea to have a magic show party for Scottie's 8th birthday. Of course, that automatically meant Uncle Shawn would have to be our magician. He was AWESOME!! Thanks Shawn!
The kids LOVED it. One of my nephews even said, "This is the best birthday party ever! Can I have my birthday at Aunt Megan's house?"

Happy Birthday Scottie.....we love you!!

had to make capes for our magician's in training

can't have capes without wands....

good eatin'

good company

and last but not least...good entertainment

My lil' Elephant

Lincoln was put on an oscillator ventilator right after birth. They tried to get him on CPAP (continuous positive airway pressure) ventilation, but weren't so successful. His vitals went crazy and he wasn't a happy boy.

What Is Continuous Positive Airway Pressure (CPAP)? Nasal CPAP delivers air into your airway through a specially designed nasal mask or pillows. The mask does not breathe for you; the flow of air creates enough pressure when you inhale to keep your airway open.

They then decided to put him back on the oscillator. After giving him a break for a day, they decided to try another ventilation system called the VIP on the 19th of November. It is very similar to the oscillator, but it allows him to breath more freely on his own. When I walked in for his morning visit on the 20th, I noticed he had finally graduated to the CPAP and he was doing excellent!! They informed me they changed to the CPAP at 1 am and everything looks great.

There's always a chance he won't stay on the CPAP for very long and may regress to one of the other ventilation systems. He may also do increasingly well each day and not have to wear it for very long and breath completely on his own. Either way, I just want him to be content and safe. And for now.....I'll just call him my lil' Elephant!!

It might look a little different....but this is a good HUGE step, especially considering he didn't have amniotic fluid for TEN WEEKS including the major weeks when his lungs should have been developing.

One Week Old

Lincoln actually turned one week old yesterday evening at 6:o5, but I wanted to give an update of how he's been doing lately.

Please forgive the quality of the pictures :) The nurses actually took them, bless their hearts, but for some reason when I try to scan them in color they become EXTRA grainy.

So, the first picture is of him next to a dollar bill. Poor child, look at him hooked up to all that stuff! The second is obviously just a close up....look at those lips!!

Now, for his condition. He's made LOTS of progress in the last couple of days. He no longer has an infection and is off his antibiotics. He has had two full good days along with two full good nights (this is big for little Linc). They are getting ready to take him off the ventilator and possibly put him on the C-PAP...also another big step. They found out that his brain bleed is considered a grade 1 instead of a grade 3...HUGE news. Today they fed him my milk for the first time and his body is tolerating it very well!

Thanks again to everyone for all your prayers!! He has come a long way this last week. We hope to see many more improvements from here on out. There's bound to be bumps in the road and we're expecting them....I don't know how prepared we can ever be.

I have created a blog solely for Lincoln to keep everyone updated on his progress. I will continue to put the same posts on my personal blog as well.


Lincoln's Crusade

LOVE

We can feel the love that has been offered to us on all levels. Not only have our family and friends been persistant in showing their concern, taking care of us, and knowing the very fragile state of our precious little baby, but so has the medical staff in the NICU. They have also been wonderful in recognizing how fragile our family has been. A few of the NICU nurses have showered us with words of encouragement, a gift basket, scrapbooked pictures of little Lincoln, and three little scrapbooks with pictures of Lincoln for Scottie, Savana and Luke to carry around. AND last but not LEAST knowing exactly what kind of care is needed for Lincoln in his fragile little state.


I can't say it enough:

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

I only wish you could see the true size of his little hands and feet. These have been

enlarged just for the blog, they're not true to size.

Lincoln's medical issues

Mainly to have this as a record I can look back to, I'm going to list all the complications Lincoln has been having since birth.

Day 1...Nov. 9th, 2009:

Lincoln was born at 6:05 pm and immediately rushed to the NICU to be evaluated and taken care of. He was put on 100% oxygen. The main things they found were that he had some sort of an infection, he was having problems with his blood pressure, and also having problems with his heart contracting at a proper pressure.

Day 2...Nov. 10th, 2009:

His oxygen level had been taken down to 30% and they found he was doing well with his lungs. They were able to stabilize his blood pressure. They also noticed that his heart was now contracting properly. They found the duct in his heart, which all fetus' have and should close at birth, had not closed. He had become very swollen. The swelling and infection was preventing this duct to close. It is VERY crucial that this duct close. If the duct would not close on its own or without three doses of ibuprofen every 24 hours they would have to opt for surgery to close it. They had given him blood pressure medication the previous day and were seeing it was now stabilizing.

Day 3....Nov. 11th, 2009:

They found he had a brain bleed which was diagnosed as a grade 1 (grade 1 being the least concerning). This is common in premature babies, but as long as it's not significant bleeding it should be fine. They had been evaluating the severity of it through out the day. They had given him some ibuprofen to help with the process of the duct closing in his heart. We were also informed that the infection Lincoln had contracted came as a result of bacteria entering the womb after my water had broken. He may have swallowed the bacteria that was in the amniotic fluid...the small amount that was in there...and/or it may have gotten into the placenta.

Day 4....Nov. 12th, 2009:

One of the partner neonatoligists approached us as we were visiting Lincoln. He had gone over a second x-ray of Lincoln's brain and had expressed that he was very very concerned. We were previously told the brain bleed was a grade 1 and they were now looking at a grade 3. There's a good possibility that the administration of the ibuprofen increased the bleeding in his brain. The swelling had gone down a bit and the duct in his heart had still not closed. At this point they were really stuck between a rock and a hard spot. They were hesitant to give him more ibuprofen since they were thinking that was the culprit in the increase of his brain bleed. They also weren't able to do the surgery because he was not stable enough. WE NEEDED THE DUCT IN HIS HEART TO BE CLOSED!!!

Day 5....Nov. 13th, 2009:

We woke up with the news that a miracle had taken place. They had done another ultrasound on his heart and found that the duct had closed overnight!!! That was a huge concern and now we could all let out a big sigh of relief....at least for a few minutes. The doctors had noticed he had a few suspicious movements that could be indicative of seizures. The seizures would be a result of blood on his brain which we were already aware of. They were giving him medication to prevent the seizures and just keeping an eye of the seizure activity.

Day 6...Nov. 14th, 2009:

The news of the possibility of the severity of his brain bleed was once again emphasized. There is a little discrepency as to how severe the brain bleed is. Dr. Minton and Dr. Miner seem to have differing opinions. Dr. Miner has diagnosed it as a grade 3 and more severe bleed. Dr. Minton has diagnosed it as a severe grade 1 bleed. They have opted to send the x-ray up to the radiologist at Primary Children's to have a third set of eyes to determine what it could be. Also, they were still concerned with the combination of the brain bleed and the seizures. And he was once again having problems with his blood pressure.

Day 7...Nov. 15th, 2009:

We received a phone call from the NICU at 7:30 am. He had a rough night. At approximately 11:00 pm on Saturday, his blood pressure had dropped and they also noticed some more seizure activity. From about 11:00 pm to 3:00 am they were trying different things to stabilize him and finally got him situated.

....WOW....

The title pretty much sums up this last week and to be honest it is quite of an understatement. The morning of November 9th looked to be one of our "regular" routined days. I had a specialist appointment with Dr. Schemmer, who would do another in depth ultrasound to tell me of the progress of the baby. Everything went well. Right after my appointment with Dr. Schemmer I had one of my two non-stress tests that were scheduled for that week. Everything with that also went well. I went home to continue the rest of my day just like any other. Savana was ready for school and we were just waiting for her ride. I started feeling a little off, a bit crampy and thought if I just layed still it would subside. Well, it didn't. It continued and started getting a little more intense. I called Scott a few times to keep him updated on what was going on. This all started at about 1:00 in the afternoon and by 3:00 I called Scott and told him I was pretty sure they were contractions and I was having them about every three minutes. When I called him that time he was already on his way home from Park City. My mother in law brought the kids home from school at about 3:30 and Scott got home at 3:45.

We arrived at the hospital, they got me into a room and checked me. I was dilated to a 3 and 80% effaced. They put a call into my dr. and they decided at the moment they would just try to stop my labor. They gave me a shot and the contractions subsided for a bit. Dr. Berry put a call in a few minutes later and had decided to proceed with a c-section. The baby was breech...and not just feet first breech.....bum first breech. I was extremely nervous at this point. Not only was this the first time having a c-section, but the c-section was going to be a cascade of events. Some would be exciting but many would be VERY VERY scary. The first thought I had was when he was born would he take his first breath? That was one of the main fears we've had this whole time with my water having been broken for ten weeks. The second thought I had was if he made it passed his first breath what struggles would we have after that?? I knew there would be many.

As they were performing the operation I couldn't help but listen to my heart rate that they were monitoring. I could hear it in rhythm with the pounding in my chest. This wasn't at all an emergency and they seemed to be confident and calm. They talked me through it and then it was the moment of truth.....they held my baby boy up over the curtain to have a peek. Right then he let out two little squeaky cry's. I no longer could hold my tears of joy back and the flood gates had opened. He was beautiful...teeny, but beautiful. He had quite a bit of hair. The sad thing is because all of it was so rushed we didn't capture it on video. I didn't even have a "hospital bag" prepared. They rushed him to the NICU right after that and got him situated. The doctors took care of me and then got me in my room to recover. After I was fine they wheeled me in my bed to see my baby lying in an incubator with all kinds of wires and tubes hooked up to him. I could barely see him through all my tears. His final weight and height:
2 lbs 5 oz's 13.5 inches long. For as little as he was this was a relief to me. He seemed to be a "decent" size. We named him Lincoln.


Right away he was put on the ventilator at 100% oxygen which meant he needed complete assistance in breathing. The next few days would be just the beginning of an extreme variation of emotions. One day we would be completely happy thinking things were going our way and it took but a few minutes and a few words from a doctor to break us down to the lowest point a human could possibly be.

Through out my stay I found myself just wanting to be pregnant still and wanting all of the events at the hospital to have never happened. At another point I found myself just wanting to curl up in a ball and to have someone just wake me up when it was all over and Lincoln was ready to come home from the hospital. Through out our experience with Colten and all the ups and downs through out this whole pregnancy with Lincoln, I never felt as weak as what we were going through now. I wanted to feel and think positive and see the big picture. BUT he was here now and he was REAL he was....tangible. And I knew at any moment I could loose him.

In the picture below they've covered his eyes with his beanie hat just to make sure he doesn't have too much stimulation....his little 28 week old eyes aren't ready for this big world yet.


I've always considered myself a pretty spiritual person, but THIS has defined another level of being spiritual for me. The outpoor of love from everyone has been intense. The outpoor and connection I've had with Scott has been intense. Knowing I have children at home and knowing this little soul who is so so fragile I then know they are depending on me, I find myself pulling it together. I know that they're looking up to me and waiting for my hand to pull them through.

As I left the hospital it was bitter sweet. Sweet in the sense that I had three little children at home that had not seen me in five days. Sweet in the sense that Lincoln would have the very best of the best taking care of him. Bitter in the sense that I just experienced...again....the joys of being pregnant and delivering a little miracle, but coming home empty handed. This time being empty handed is temporary and I am SO grateful I live only 5 minutes from the hospital.



The NICU generally keeps premature babies until the baby's due date, that would put us at February 2nd. I'm thinking of starting a separate blog for Lincoln to keep everyone updated and informed on his progress. When it's put together I'll make sure to let everyone know. In the meantime I have A LOT of healing to do.

This is going to be an ongoing battle and it will also be what they describe it as a "roller coaster." Keep us in your prayers!

Happy Birthday ....#8

Today is your 8th birthday!!

With each year you grow bigger and bigger.

But you also grow funner too!

I'm so lucky to be your mom.
You are obsessed with sports.
It's a good thing you're coordinated :)
We've watched you grow from being a "ball-hog" to a great team player.
You love to sit with your dad and watch football or basketball.
You know all the calls and can name it before they announce it.
While Mommy's been on bed-rest, you've been a great help to me.
You are a great big brother and love to play with your little sister and brother.
We love you so much and hope your eighth year is one you'll always remember.

Happy Birthday Scottie!

Halloween OH nine

We LOVE Halloween....

and who wouldn't....

We get to play dress-up......

.....and eat LOADS of candy!!!