....WOW....

The title pretty much sums up this last week and to be honest it is quite of an understatement. The morning of November 9th looked to be one of our "regular" routined days. I had a specialist appointment with Dr. Schemmer, who would do another in depth ultrasound to tell me of the progress of the baby. Everything went well. Right after my appointment with Dr. Schemmer I had one of my two non-stress tests that were scheduled for that week. Everything with that also went well. I went home to continue the rest of my day just like any other. Savana was ready for school and we were just waiting for her ride. I started feeling a little off, a bit crampy and thought if I just layed still it would subside. Well, it didn't. It continued and started getting a little more intense. I called Scott a few times to keep him updated on what was going on. This all started at about 1:00 in the afternoon and by 3:00 I called Scott and told him I was pretty sure they were contractions and I was having them about every three minutes. When I called him that time he was already on his way home from Park City. My mother in law brought the kids home from school at about 3:30 and Scott got home at 3:45.

We arrived at the hospital, they got me into a room and checked me. I was dilated to a 3 and 80% effaced. They put a call into my dr. and they decided at the moment they would just try to stop my labor. They gave me a shot and the contractions subsided for a bit. Dr. Berry put a call in a few minutes later and had decided to proceed with a c-section. The baby was breech...and not just feet first breech.....bum first breech. I was extremely nervous at this point. Not only was this the first time having a c-section, but the c-section was going to be a cascade of events. Some would be exciting but many would be VERY VERY scary. The first thought I had was when he was born would he take his first breath? That was one of the main fears we've had this whole time with my water having been broken for ten weeks. The second thought I had was if he made it passed his first breath what struggles would we have after that?? I knew there would be many.

As they were performing the operation I couldn't help but listen to my heart rate that they were monitoring. I could hear it in rhythm with the pounding in my chest. This wasn't at all an emergency and they seemed to be confident and calm. They talked me through it and then it was the moment of truth.....they held my baby boy up over the curtain to have a peek. Right then he let out two little squeaky cry's. I no longer could hold my tears of joy back and the flood gates had opened. He was beautiful...teeny, but beautiful. He had quite a bit of hair. The sad thing is because all of it was so rushed we didn't capture it on video. I didn't even have a "hospital bag" prepared. They rushed him to the NICU right after that and got him situated. The doctors took care of me and then got me in my room to recover. After I was fine they wheeled me in my bed to see my baby lying in an incubator with all kinds of wires and tubes hooked up to him. I could barely see him through all my tears. His final weight and height:
2 lbs 5 oz's 13.5 inches long. For as little as he was this was a relief to me. He seemed to be a "decent" size. We named him Lincoln.


Right away he was put on the ventilator at 100% oxygen which meant he needed complete assistance in breathing. The next few days would be just the beginning of an extreme variation of emotions. One day we would be completely happy thinking things were going our way and it took but a few minutes and a few words from a doctor to break us down to the lowest point a human could possibly be.

Through out my stay I found myself just wanting to be pregnant still and wanting all of the events at the hospital to have never happened. At another point I found myself just wanting to curl up in a ball and to have someone just wake me up when it was all over and Lincoln was ready to come home from the hospital. Through out our experience with Colten and all the ups and downs through out this whole pregnancy with Lincoln, I never felt as weak as what we were going through now. I wanted to feel and think positive and see the big picture. BUT he was here now and he was REAL he was....tangible. And I knew at any moment I could loose him.

In the picture below they've covered his eyes with his beanie hat just to make sure he doesn't have too much stimulation....his little 28 week old eyes aren't ready for this big world yet.


I've always considered myself a pretty spiritual person, but THIS has defined another level of being spiritual for me. The outpoor of love from everyone has been intense. The outpoor and connection I've had with Scott has been intense. Knowing I have children at home and knowing this little soul who is so so fragile I then know they are depending on me, I find myself pulling it together. I know that they're looking up to me and waiting for my hand to pull them through.

As I left the hospital it was bitter sweet. Sweet in the sense that I had three little children at home that had not seen me in five days. Sweet in the sense that Lincoln would have the very best of the best taking care of him. Bitter in the sense that I just experienced...again....the joys of being pregnant and delivering a little miracle, but coming home empty handed. This time being empty handed is temporary and I am SO grateful I live only 5 minutes from the hospital.



The NICU generally keeps premature babies until the baby's due date, that would put us at February 2nd. I'm thinking of starting a separate blog for Lincoln to keep everyone updated and informed on his progress. When it's put together I'll make sure to let everyone know. In the meantime I have A LOT of healing to do.

This is going to be an ongoing battle and it will also be what they describe it as a "roller coaster." Keep us in your prayers!